My first page of quotes from my first three weeks at Mary Washington (plus a couple from before). Enjoy (on the new site!).

(in Applebees; Siarra ordered endless fried shrimp and we sneak the leftovers in my brother’s box because you aren’t supposed to take them home)
Johnathan: “I quarter-expected her to say, ‘Hey, where did those shrimp go?'”
Brinn: “Quarter-expected?”
Johnathan: “I didn’t fully half-expect it.”

(Medley is explaining how we have to do resumes; sophomores are not allowed to use highschool activities, but freshman are)
Medina(?): “What about jobs?”
Medley: “…Babysitting?”
Medina: “No, like, a real job.”
Medley: “Where they take taxes out? If they take taxes, put it on there.”

Mike (randomly while observing two girls during some orientation/group bonding event): “Are you feeling her up? …They’re bonding on their own.”

Noah: “You fell asleep with the door open!”
Stacy: “…It was the middle of the day.”
Noah: “That’s even worse! That’s when the murderers are out!”

Watkins, on his teaching experience: “This is my 19th year… I started when I was eleven.”
Class: *laughs*
Watkins: “…Child prodigy…”

(Richards made us tell a fact about ourselves while introducing ourselves; two different people, a guy and a girl, independently mentioned they’d traveled to Tanzania during the summer)
Richards: “Were you traveling together?”
Them: “…No…”
Richards: “Hook up?”

Watkins, while calling roll: “Do you want to be Jessica or Jess?”
Girl: “Either’s fine.”
Watkins: “Pick one!”
Girl: “…Jess.”
Watkins: *sigh* “No…”

Richards, on overinterpreting literature: “You could have this sign [Slow Children at Play)–you could say this is a bunch of retards at Hamlet!”

Cosmos, a linguistics professor: “I had a parrot in graduate school that I taught to say ‘Philology saves lives!'”

Richards, on personal bias when reading: “If my mother said this is a good book… I hate the bitch, so I won’t read it.”

Cooperman: “Politics is not what Justice Harry Potter– …My coffee hasn’t kicked in yet. Or maybe it has. […] Politics is not what Justics Potter Stuart–there we go.”

Cooperman: “You get a job, and you’re like, ‘I make ten dollars an hour!’ Or if you’re scooping ice cream and you’re making negative two dollars an hour…”

Richards, on having more than just two options for President: “You can not vote. You can shoot yourself. You can move to Canada.”

Cooperman, explaining how a democracy does something or other not just from fear of violence: “That sounds like I’m saying ‘from fear of violins’. I don’t have a fear of violins. It’s VIOLENCE!” *raises fists*

Cooperman: “What are the cleavages in our own country? And I don’t mean bustlines for those who have traveled to the darkside.”

The following is a transcript of a slide from Statistics as an example of a rating scale. He used himself as an example.

Dr. Edmunds is (choose one) —

a total loser 1
way too full of himself 2
boring but a nice guy 3
occasionally brilliant 4
not unlike a god 5