Alyssa about a lit critic called Bloom: “…You need to get off Shakespeare’s nuts.”

Question: What are the stereotypes of Asians?
Class: The usual answers. They like rice and know kung fu and are good at school.
Catherine: “They live in New Jersey.”
Class: “…”
Catherine: “At Duke, there are a lot of Asians and they’re from New Jersey because they couldn’t get into Princeton.”
Richards: “…I don’t know how to respond to that, so I’m going to move to Heather.”

(more on Asians)
Girl: “They love Hello Kitty.”
Richards: “Asians and gay men.”

(arguing about a lit canon made of black lesbians)
Richards: “What are they fighting for?”
Catherine: “Male or female?”
Richards: “There are few male lesbians.”

Watkins, during a news quiz: “This is going to prove you read your newspaper. 69 percent of men aged 18-24 know another man who has done what?”
Joey: “Was this in Sexclamations?”

Hunter, on election night just after Obama’s been called: “If you want to make sure he wins, you have to stay up ’til one.”
Joe: “If you go to sleep, he’ll lose.”

Joe, on the election still: “You have to believe hard enough. It’s like fairies. I do believe in Presidents!”
Hunter: “Does that mean if we don’t believe in Bush, he’ll die?”

Joe, about the four knitters in my building forming a knitting circle: “You can’t really have a circle with four people.”
Brinn: “You just have to round out the corners.”
Joe: “Of the people?”
Brinn: *nod*
Joe: “I’ll get my power sander.”

Coop on fundraising: “…And raised money hand over fist over fist over leg over… midsection.”

Watkins, during a news quiz: “What UMW professor just published his first novel?”
Joey: “I don’t know, but I bet he plugs it ALL THE TIME.”
(It’s Watkins with the novel)

Michelle on a dorm cooking night: “We can use the BCM and the CCM. What are they gonna say, ‘Go away; God doesn’t like you.’?”

Richards, on a white guy and a monster as a couple in Avenue Q: “If they are procreative, you get Barack Obama.”

On saving four dollars on admission to Our Town by ushering:
Richards: “If you want to save four dollars… buy cheap alcohol… You didn’t hear that.”

Cosmos: “I’m going to Baltimore tomorrow.”
Terrence: “Sketchy!”
Cosmos: “What?”
Terrence: “I said sketchy because Baltimore is sketchy.”
Cosmos: “I understand you had a few crimes in Fredericksburg.”
(a couple of girls were sexually assaulted and the owner of a popular restaurant may have been murdered by his son, among other things.)

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