Jillian: “Who wants to be cold when they’re old? When I’m old, I’m taking E and basking in the sun.”

Amanda: *says something that Mallory finds very funny*
Mallory: “Is it too early for a Facebook relationship? Let me friend you first. …What’s your name?”

Guy in Playwriting: “I would pay money to have sex with Christian Bale, and I’m not even like, gay.”

Mark: “I can’t do a yankee accent. I can, but I’m not drunk.”

Guy in playwriting, casting for his scene: “I just need two girls.”
Mark: “Oh, so do I.”

Girl: “…And I can tell creepy: I have brother.”

Amanda: “I need morphine.”
Me: “…Why?”
Amanda: “I have a headache.”